Nanaville

Nanaville by Anna Quindlen is subtitled Adventures in Grandparenting. A friend of mine had just learned her son and daughter-in-law were expecting a baby and I wanted to read it quickly to assess if it was worth gifting to her. It is. Initially I was not that enamored of Nanaville but, in retrospect, I probably did not linger on the pages long enough to truly appreciate this book. But I found myself repeating passages and thoughts from it to my husband. And in a recent week of visiting my daughter, mother of two of my grandchildren, I kept referring to items I'd read in it. She pointed out, "Gee, for a book you did not really like, you sure reference it a lot."

A fair portion of the book is advice on how to negotiate the relationship with your son/daughter and his/her spouse now that you are also filling the role of a grandparent. Before offering the parents an opinion you need to keep this question in the forefront in your mind. Did they ask me? I thought this excerpt very telling: 

It's a complicated relationship, being a good grandparent because it hinges on a series of other relationships. It's an odd combination of being very experienced and totally green: I know how to raise a child but I need to learn how to help my child raise his own. Where I once commanded, now I need to ask permission. Where I once led, I have to learn to follow.

There are thought-provoking chapters that address considerations such as if the spouse is of a different race, or subtle nuances likely depending on if you are the maternal or the paternal grandmother. Interspersed are chapters called Small Moments that hit a responsive chord. There are lessons learned such as, "No" does not mean "I do not love you". It just means no. Sneaking treats or privileges behind the parents' backs is ill-advised. This book is worth reading for parents and grandparents alike. It is non-fiction and has no plot, therefore I need to learn to evaluate by a different standard than that of the genre of fiction novel books I usually read. I give this book four stars for the targeted reader but two stars for an uninitiated audience.

Having just come back from a week visiting my daughter in Oklahoma, by myself, without my husband, I need to close this post with a story. My four-year old grandson Isaiah was very excited to see me, greeted me with hugs and kisses and a loud "Grandma!" at the airport pickup; we exchanged more hugs and kisses once in his home. But then he asked, "Where's Grandpa?". I explained that Grandpa had stayed home and was taking care of the house and the dog. "Is he coming?" he asked. I said no, not on this trip. Isaiah was quiet for a moment. Then he said "Aww... and he's my favorite!" That's Ok. I do not mind. Being chopped liver still has its perks. Besides, Isaiah made my husband very happy.